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  Counselling

What is counselling? 

    The concern of emotions, such as love, hate, power and fear, and the dynamics of life such as life, birth, family situations and death, are fundamental to counselling.   In attempting to understand why we do what we do, why we think as we think and how we can change and shift, it is important that the counsellor have an understanding of human nature.

    The key to effective counselling is effective listening, compassion, empathy, remaining open and non-judgmental to the client's needs, perspective and situation. The counsellor must not force his/her perceptions, views and opinions on his/her client.  A counsellor is not there to control the thoughts of another.  A counsellor is there to help guide, nurture and provide insight for the client.  It is through compassion and listening that the counsellor can help the client grow, heal and become what he desires to be.  It is not through control or fear that a client changes.  It is through love, compassion and understanding that a client has a space to grow.  The counsellor is a partner in the client's journey and it through allowing the growth and shifting of the client, that the counsellor does their job.  Both the counsellor and client must recognize that the only way the client will truly shift and heal, is through his receptiveness to taking responsibility for his life and learning.  Ultimately, in order to heal, the client must take full responsibility for how he is behaving, who he is being, and how he needs to shift.  Counselling is an equal partnership.  The process of healing is work and the client should be fully prepared to do his part toward his ultimate health and well-being. 

    Counselling helps promote change in a client's behaviour and attitude.  The counsellor can help the client recognize behaviours which are not serving him and supply methods to help the client adjust and shift.  Recovering and healing is more difficult for some clients who continue to try to hold on to their past behaviours and attitudes.  It is often fear and the comfort of the known that holds people back from healing.  Sometimes the counsellor has to take a tough approach to get the client to shift from his present, negative state.  The best approach is a combination of compassion and confrontation, as opposed to one or the other.  In order for a client to heal they need to take responsibility for their life and see the positive in themselves and in life.  A negative attitude can be self-defeating and is not conducive to healing. 

    Individuals who are need in of counselling can have a variety of different symptoms and be involved in many different situations.  Some can find themselves in relationships that are cyclical.  These situations can be created and re-created when individuals continue to not learn and grow from past behaviours and problems. These situations continue to reinforce negative behaviour, are painful and/or abusive.  Individuals in need of counselling can suffer from a myriad of symptoms and personal problems, such as, anxiety, fear, anger, compulsive behaviours, substance abuse, frustration, be emotionally withdrawn or shutdown, and lack self-confidence. 

    When a client is ready to seek counselling, often he has reached a point of complete exhaustion, fatigue and anxiety.  Often he has denied the need to shift, defending his viewpoints and perception and continually ignored other views and perceptions that didn't agree with his.  Changing oneself requires great courage and commitment and often it is not until one is feeling completely lost and drained, that he is ready to reach out and ask for help and a way out of his depth of despair.

    Although I have done in-person work and work over the phone - I am taking time off from this aspect of my journey in life.  

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