(updated: September 22, 2003)

When I began this journey I didn’t know where it would lead me and what I was to become.  But I found in my search, that it all lead to one place.   This is a place of angels and love.  As I journeyed through life, I found a place inside myself that inspired me to share my views of love and my dreams for the world we live in.

August 10, 2002

Over two years ago if someone had told me I was embarking on a two-year growing experience, I would have denied it.  I would never have expected such changes, revelations and growth in who I am and what I want to do with my life.  I am not the same person I was two years, but for the record, I am not the same person I was yesterday.   I believe we are all changing each moment and that part of the beauty of life is the constant changing.

But, now the question is:  Who was I, where have I gone and what have I learned.

In order to address the question, I need to review the history of my life that has brought me to this moment in time.  In February of 1999, I had the pleasure to meet Dr. Doreen Virtue.  She is someone who has a special interest in angels and a strong belief in them.  I attended a seminar that she was holding in Toronto.  Many of her comments on life, her thoughts and her revelations, were similar to that which I believed and experienced.  Unlike Doreen, I personally never claimed to see or hear angels.  Yet, her views on life and spirituality had a similar theme. 

I attended her Certified Spiritual Counselling course in the spring of that year.   I felt it would help me in my journey.   I had been doing readings for people since I was 18 – half my life at that time.  I felt that her course would help me ease into the career that I felt was my chosen one.   I felt I could help people through spiritual readings and healings.  This was my journey.

After meeting Doreen and giving angels a second thought, I found myself feeling a special affection for angels.  I found myself writing in my journal, words and thoughts, which were so loving and spiritual.  At the time, I felt I was somehow in touch with angels – my guides or angels who surround us.  I didn’t have a name for this energy, I just felt such peace and love when I would write.  The words of love and feeling were so beautiful.  I found myself believing very strongly in the presence of angels.  In their love and caring for people.

It was at this time that I designed my website, angelenergy.  As I experienced such loving words and thoughts I could only believe and feel they came from angels.  The love, the sense of peace and the overall feeling of acceptance was pure and simple.  This, in my opinion, could only be angel love and thus, angel energy.

I found myself doing many readings and doing spiritual counselling for people.   There was one aspect of this work I found very draining.  Many times, people wanted to receive help and guidance, but were unwilling or frightened to take responsibility for their choice.  They wanted another to guide them, help them and empower them and they were unwilling to take on the task at hand that would ultimately free them and help them grow.   Eventually, this aspect of doing counselling and spiritual guidance took it’s toll on me and I chose for my own growth to no longer do readings.  This change was a difficult choice for me, because I had always expected I would be doing readings and counselling for many years.  Yet, this change was necessary for my own growth and learning and to bring me to the person I am now.

During the time that I was doing readings and counselling, I went on another seminar.  This was not with Doreen Virtue, this was with a healer and former chiropractor, Dr. Eric Scott Pearl.   It was one-year after my course with Doreen Virtue and I wanted to do more healing work.  Dr. Pearl was doing a seminar on “Reconnective Healing” in Toronto and I decided to attend.  It was this choice, that ultimately changed my life and began the two-year cycle that I am now emerging from.

I don’t know what energy Dr. Pearl works with, but he claims it is a particular energy that helps with healing on a cellular level.  In all truth, I don’t know what it is or what it does, but it most definitely had an impact on my life – which was not all easy.  In this healing work, Dr. Pearl, does what is called a “Reconnection”.  This is supposed to reconnect you energetically to this energy. 

After Dr. Pearl’s seminar and course on Reconnective Healing, I didn’t feel any different.  I didn’t experience any changes in myself or the healing work I did.  It was not until a few months later, when I began working with another individual, that I began to see changes and shifts with the energy and with the work.

I don’t claim to know what happened, nor can I explain these last two years.   But what I do know is that my life has changed, my work has changed and I am not the same person I was two years ago.  I am less naïve than I was. It was during the past two years that I stopped doing readings and spiritual counselling.  I continued to work on healings, up until eight months ago. 

It is only now that I am re-surfacing again.  Through the experiences of these last two years, I feel I have finally stepped forward and found myself again.

  What I have learned:

·          Beliefs are fine, but expect tangible proof before you give yourself away to a process or a lifestyle change.

·          What I thought I knew, I didn’t.  Nothing is as simple as you might think.

·          Working with energy is not only challenging, but it can be dangerous.

·          When working with others, ensure their needs are always first and foremost in your heart.

·          Trust yourself.

·          Do not trust any information or unsubstantiated claims.

I am now able to look back at this experience and see the incredible value this has brought into my life.  The experience and learning has brought me to a place of great peace.  My desire with healing work has always been to help people. 

I believe in the power of God, love and healing.  This has never deviated.  I believe that we can help people by empowering them and by trusting in them to find their own paths.  How I believe I can help is through the healing work that I do. 

I believe that I have an ability to channel energy through me and it passes through to others as I work with them.  I don’t know how this works, but I do believe it is through what I call God.  I believe that healing ultimately comes through God and that we, all people, can access this love through a variety of means. 

My desire is to help people, my goal is to help people and my greatest wish is to help people.  For me, this is the way I believe I was meant to do this.

I believe that we are all energetic beings, but I don’t discuss it in terminology that is commonly discussed in the “new age” healing philosophy.  I don’t know exactly how this helps, but I accept that I don’t need to know.  I don’t wish to analyze this work, I just want to do it.

  August 17, 2002

I was thinking back to the writing I used to do.  The many pages of words that I put in a journal over the past few years.   The pages are gone.  The website “angel energy” that I created from my words is also gone.  I don’t know if I will ever recreate that type of website again.  Perhaps in putting my views of angels and love in written form, I somehow didn’t allow for people to take responsibility for their life, for their journey and for their learning.  Perhaps my website made them happy, but perhaps it also made them confused for their own place in time.   I don’t know.  All I do know is the website is gone.  It’s part of history that I can’t re-ignite because I destroyed the journals and the webpages.  

But what if I have to once again open myself up to all possibilities.  What if part of my journey now is to say I am here to do the work of God and only the work of God.  What if it is my time to signal that I am now ready.  That I have no preconceived patterns of belief, that I am indeed open to what I thought was not so or that it was so.   What if my journey now entails the healing work that is so needed on the earth.  What if I am to spread the word of everyone doing what is right for them, taking responsibility for themselves and who they are.

I don’t want to analyze the journey, the healing and what I should or should not do.  I just want to do what God wants me to.  I will pray that I will find the answers at the right time.  I don’t know what is coming, but I will keep an open heart and mind.

December 16, 2002

For nearly three months, I took a break from spiritual counselling and healing.  I worked in a Chiropractor's office as a Chiropractic Assistant/Receptionist.  I was able to interact with people and share with them, but not in the same format I had for so long.  Within a very short time, I realized that my greatest desire was to help people in a more direct format.   In a seminar that I attended for Chiropractor's Assistants there was much talk about the healing that takes place through love and through compassion.  For many of the Assistants, their desire to do healing work was fulfilled in their work as a Chiropractic Assistant.  For myself, I realized this desire was fulfilled in my interaction with people.  I want to help people by doing touch healing, by listening and by sharing with them through spiritual counselling.  As time went by, I became more aware of my deepest desire to do that which I believe is my purpose - to heal.  I believe healing comes in many formats; not just through touch healing but in listening, in talking, in counselling and in sharing.  I believe my purpose is to do that and I recently made the decision to once-again step into the shoes that I had vacated - those of a holistic counsellor and healer.  

July 25, 2003

Years ago, a friend told me I was "too sensitive".  At the time, I knew no other way to be.  I cared so much about people and what they felt.  When the emotions that I expressed so freely were not returned to me from others, the only response I knew was to feel hurt.   I expressed this pain to my friend at the time, who didn't understand why I felt as I did.

No one could offer a way to not feel so much, to not care so much and to not feel disappointment that others did not feel as I did.  I didn't understand it at the time.

My response over time was to protect myself from pain, by not letting others in.  I could continue to care and feel, but I didn't expect anything in return.  I learned that my feelings wouldn't necessarily be returned and my level of concern and compassion was not something that others were going to feel.  I learned to shield myself from others.  Although I still felt as deeply, cared and had empathy - no one knew the level of it.  I developed a way of being that hid my emotions from others, but allowed me to feel them and keep them to myself.

Although this protected me from the immediate hurt - it didn't protect me from the lifelong pain.  The pain of loving so much, caring so much and ultimately not having the emotions returned in a like manner.  Why is mankind not capable of caring to the level of love that resides within them?  Why do they hide their true emotions, their capacity for empathy and love and shield themselves not from feeling it, but from experiencing it altogether?   Love is the solution to every problem, yet mankind fears the depths of it.

I learned to not expect my love would be returned as I felt it.  I learned that the level of concern and compassion I felt would not be returned to me and I was okay with this.  Because, I was able to do what I do best and never change that aspect about myself.  I was able to keep caring and keep feeling, but hide this from most people.  Few people understand that I care so deeply that it hurts.  Few people understand the level of compassion I have for others allows me to express my inner self without needing my feelings returned to me.

Yet, when they are not returned over years - it does have an impact.  I didn't recognize it until recently - but the cost of loving so deeply, caring so much and putting others first in my heart - came at a cost.  The cost was me.

I lost myself.  Now I have to find myself again.  To find the strength and determination to; put me first always; to understand that others might not feel as I do and that is okay.  But, to demand that they behave to their true essence, to that which resides within.  I haven't demanded people be all that they can be.  A difference between my dearest friend, who shared so much of the past few years of this journey with me, and myself is that she demanded and expected people to be all that they can be.  She didn't allow for anything less.  I, on the other hand, didn't expect it, nor demand it.  I allowed them to be less than, rather than, more than.

That was necessary for me.  Because I was unable to be who I am if I had to confront others daily about them being less than who they are.  In order to get to this point, this place in time, I had to allow myself to be as I was ... ultimately allowing others to be as they were.   But now, the time has come to not be a place for them to be anything less than what they are capable of.  It's not okay to be less than.

  September 22, 2003

Yesterday my client Iain and I discussed something that I was completely unaware of.  Iain has consistently maintained that the healing I have done on him has made a huge difference in his life.   I had no idea what he meant by that until yesterday.  Iain's health before coming to see me had been much worse than I had known, and it was only yesterday during a healing session that this came to light.  For further information, please see Iain's story.

Wow, you hung in for a lot of reading.  If you are interested in more information about me, and you are up for more reading!  Please see:  My Story

For further background information on courses I've attended please see:  background

Website design:  DPM Consulting 2003