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  MY STORY  
(cont'd)

My first boyfriend and I began dating just prior to my sixteenth birthday.  He was seventeen, shy and a good kid.   We enjoyed each other's company and discovered that incredible feeling of first love together.  Unfortunately, my family was not as impressed with him as I was.   They did not want me to tie myself down to one boy.  I had no interest in dating anyone else, not to mention that no other boys were beating a path to my door.   I was incredibly happy with him and that first summer with him was a very special time in my life. 

Unfortunately, the rain that fell down on our parade, was a torrential storm.  It began with my parents limiting the time we could spend together.  They became more concerned as our relationship got more serious.  They felt that he was only interested in me for what he could get, like any boy would be.  They were concerned and wanted to stop the relationship before it went too far.

No matter how limited our time together was, we continued to see each other.  He felt my parents were controlling, my parents felt he was controlling.  I was torn between my family and my first love.   My parents complained that he didn't allow me to have girlfriends and a life beyond him.  He complained that my parents kept us apart whenever the mood hit them and they didn't want me to have a life beyond them.

All my life I had been the dutiful daughter.  I didn't like to cause pain or heartache and always did whatever my parents requested of me.  Up until this point in my life I usually did whatever was asked of me.  I had never questioned their authority, I always did as they wanted and I never lied to them.  My desire to see my boyfriend and my love for him was strong enough that I began to question my parents reasons.  I didn't listen to them and wanted to be with him, even when they grounded me from seeing him.

It was shocking and disappointing to my parents that I continued to disobey them regarding my boyfriend.   It didn't matter to me how bad they thought he was for me, I continued to see him whenever I could.  He was not a bad influence, nor did he ever disrespect me.   My parents were having a difficult time accepting him.  I believe some of the problems they were having was the concept of me dating.  It was a difficult transition for them.  I think they would have disapproved of any choice I made at that point in my life.

I was sixteen and I had not even been dating my boyfriend for a year, when I had to make one of the most difficult decisions in my life.  My parents threatened to send me to another school to keep us apart.  I threatened to leave home.  A stalemate was reached, and soon afterward I left home.

Unfortunately, I felt that I had no choice but to leave.  My parents did not have a legitimate reason for keeping me from my boyfriend.  I felt terribly alone and I was receiving no understanding at home.  It was one of the most difficult experiences of my life. 

With the stand I had taken with my parents, my boyfriend and I found ourselves more committed to each other and our relationship.  My parents began to slowly understand the love that we shared.  My family agreed to counselling with my boyfriend and I.  Slowly we began to mend the fence and rebuild our relationship.

At the age of 17, nearly one year later, I moved home.  It was a difficult decision to go home, but we had done much work to rebuild the family relationship.  My parents accepted my boyfriend, we had forgiven them for trying to separate us and my parents and I had worked through many of the issues that had torn the family apart.  I was stronger and wiser than I had been a year earlier and I had stood up for something that I felt strongly about.  I wanted to rebuild the relationship with my family and return to the nest.  Although my family learned to accept and appreciate my boyfriend, it was many years before my life began to return to normal.

I always knew that my family loved me, but when this situation arose, it made me believe that they didn't trust me.   I was a good kid, I got good grades, never did drugs or alcohol and treated others with respect.  With time I learned to forgive them and forget the pain of the experience.  It taught me alot about myself, my strength and my determination.   In addition, it taught me what I wouldn't do to my children someday.

Most people who know me would never imagine that left home at 16 and lived on my own in near poverty.  Yet, those who know me can also imagine I would be capable of such a thing, because I stand by principles and I am very determined.

The ages of 12-20 were a difficult time for me.  In addition to the normal difficulties children face just surviving those years, I had the added pressure of not wanting to see the bad in situations.  I was a peace maker and someone that didn't want to cause anyone problems.  I wanted to see the good in all situations.  I wanted to believe in people and in the inherit goodness of others.  In doing so, I bounced from friend to friend and got hurt in different ways by each of them.  I found myself torn between family, friends and love.   I wanted to appease everyone, including myself.   If I didn't stand up for myself, I found myself getting hurt.  Yet, when I stood up for myself, someone else invariably got hurt.  I was thankful when the teenage years were over.  I had made it to my twenties and I believed that the difficult times were through and the best was yet to come.

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